Did you know, as someone who specialises in healing other people's anxiety, I don’t believe in positivity. I used to be described as a "glass half full" kind of person. I would constantly seek happiness as a means to escape from my own anxiety and emotions. I would try to maintain a positive outlook on things, pretending to be happy in the hope that I would eventually start feeling genuine happiness. However, it never worked.
Instead of acknowledging when things were actually quite terrible, or allowing myself to feel disappointed when I didn't get a job, sad when life didn't go my way, or angry when my boundaries were crossed, I would often find myself asking, "Why me?"
It became incredibly exhausting to constantly pretend that everything was positive. Eventually, it led to burnout. I was tirelessly striving for happiness and goodness in every aspect of my life.
I vividly remember reaching out to someone and seeking advice on how to deal with my negative emotions, particularly when I wanted to be positive and avoid feeling so terrible when things didn't go as planned. The response I received was to change my mindset and thought patterns, which seemed like sound advice but resulted in me forcing more fake positivity. Deep down, I knew I needed to delve deeper and truly understand why I felt the incessant need to exude positivity all the time. It was during this process that I realised I had been unintentionally gaslighting myself, invalidating my own emotions and convincing myself that they were incorrect and untrue.
I needed to explore why I felt disappointed, sad, angry, and “negative”. Many of these emotions stemmed from my tendency to people-please, always prioritising others' needs over my own. It originated from feelings of unworthiness and inadequacy and not being able to set boundaries. I realised that I needed to validate my own emotions and embrace the fact that it's okay to experience uncomfortable, messy, and dark emotions.
I devoted a significant amount of time to allowing myself to fully experience and process the emotions I had been running away from. I embarked on a journey of self-discovery, seeking therapy and somatic practices that helped me reconnect with my body.
Nowadays, my focus is not on actively pursuing happiness or fixating on finding it. I have come to understand that life is akin to the ebb and flow of the tide, forever changing. There will be moments when life feels challenging, but I now possess the tools necessary to navigate through those moments, fully aware that they are not permanent. Similarly, I have tasted true happiness and basked in those moments of pure joy, acknowledging that they too are transient, yet eagerly anticipating their return. During difficult times, I hold onto those happy memories and await their resurgence.
I have relinquished the constant search for positivity and consciously avoid using language that encourages others to do so. The beauty of being human lies in our ability to experience a wide spectrum of emotions, yet we often try to evade or suppress them. By truly understanding ourselves, forging a connection between our minds and bodies, and examining our interactions with others, we can empower ourselves to embrace the full range of our emotions with pride and strength.
If you want help in overcoming your anxiety then drop me a message.
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