The other day, my cat killed a squirrel, brought it into the house, and left it in the hallway. With no one else being home, and him being my cat, I had no choice but to clean up the dead squirrel. Being a vegetarian, I found it quite distressing to have to grab a shovel, scoop up the dead squirrel, and carry its carcass into the garden, all the while wondering, "where do I put this?" I won't lie; I cried.
When I told my mom about the situation, she turned to me and said, "How brave! I couldn't have done that." And it made me really reflect on the symbolism of the situation. When my cat brought in that dead squirrel, I had two options. My first option was to leave the dead animal where it was; I didn't want to clear it up, therefor I won't. It would sit in my hallway, festering away, and I would sit and wait, hoping that someone else might come along to sort the problem for me. The dead squirrels might increase as my cat brings in more and more, but if I ignore it, then it might go away. My second option was to do exactly what I did: accept that no one else was coming, that it was something I really didn't want to do, and confront the problem head-on. Unfortunately, my cat is my responsibility.
Reflecting on the scenario of the cat and the squirrel has made me realise how often in life, when we face a situation that makes us feel uncomfortable, our option is to shut it out. Why face it when you can ignore it or hope that someone else will come along and fix it? As we wait for that other person to save us, the problem manifests and grows, and suddenly, as it grows, so does our shame. And as our shame grows, our mental health gets worse and worse.
At the point of writing this blog, I am in debt, have no savings, and am living in my childhood bedroom at my parents house. Now, as someone who holds a position of authority and a voice, I questioned whether to even tell you this. Does it make good business sense? I don't know, is the answer. However, I want to tell you this because, just like the symbolism of the squirrel, I don't want to hide from my money problems, letting them affect my mental health. I want to pick up the shovel and solve the problem. And I want to help you do the same.
I want to share with you what I have learned so far in understanding how to create financial stability while prioritising your mental health. Now, I'm not a financial advisor; these are just the musings of an anxiety specialist. I just want to start healthy conversation around money. Below are a list of tips, I hope you find useful and help you with your money management:
1. Most importantly, I prioritise my mental health. Despite being in debt, I have continued to prioritise my spending on my mental health. I still have weekly therapy sessions to learn about myself and grow. I do yoga classes, breathwork sessions, sound healing, and the list goes on. I spend money on hobbies where I can learn new skills. Investing in myself is key.
Without spending money, I can still prioritise my mental health. I make sure I get a good 7-9 hours of sleep a night, so my brain and body are rested. In the mornings, I do breathwork, meditation, journal, affirmations, and yoga. I do home workouts 4-5 times a week. I go for a walk every day, making sure I get my 10,000 steps in. I don't spend a penny to do any of these things, but they all help me master my mental health so I can support my clients and myself.
Feel like it's impossible to prioritise your mental health because you don't have time? Join my FREE Facebook group where I help guide you on how to manage your time and ease your anxiety. How to join is in the resources below. 2. Don't hide from it. Shame grows in secrecy and silence. In the same way I can't hide from a dead squirrel, you can't hide from having debt or money worries. Talk to people, eliminate the shame. A person will not feel ashamed for you; you feel the shame. The voice inside your head tells you it's because you're not enough or a failure; the other person isn't thinking that.
People who have savings, have invested, own homes; we should be asking, "hey, how did you do that?" It's a very British thing to believe there shouldn't be a dialogue around money. The only way to have it is to learn about it, ask questions.
3. Don't. Buy. It. If you can't afford it, then don't get it. Buying something on finance seems an appealing option when you don't have the money, but the reality is, you don't have the money. Don't. Buy. It. Money won't buy you happiness; it buys your stability and freedom. With so many payment and financing options available, there's a temptation to buy into it. Don't do it. Play the long game, live without it, save, get yourself out of debt, and then when you have the money, buy it!
4.Ditch the coping mechanisms.
Cigarettes, vapes, alcohol, buying a coffee from your favorite coffee shop; it's all money down the drain. It's not just money down the drain, but none of these things are good for your mental health. They spike your hormones, leaving you feeling more anxious. Every time you want to buy a bottle of wine, grab a coffee, buy another vape, why don't you instead put the money into a savings account.
5. Start A Rainy Day Fund.
Before clearing your debt, start saving. It seems slightly counterintuitive, but without savings, what are you going to do if your car breaks down, you need to go to the dentist, take your pet to the vets, or call a plumber? Set yourself a minimum target to save. Can you put in 50p, £1, £5, £10, £100 a month? Make it manageable and affordable for you with the hopes to increase the funds.
I put my savings into a high-interest savings account where you can only withdraw the money a few times a year. In the UK, Nationwide has the highest interest savings account with an 8% interest in the first year. This means, by saving money, you are making money. You can start this savings account with £1.
If you're not with Nationwide, get in touch, let me refer you, and we both get £100. That can go straight into the savings account.
6. Future Proof
When I was 16, my mom told me to moisturise every day to avoid wrinkles when I'm older. I wish her advice had been, "put money into a pension plan every day to live when you get older." However, wishful thinking will only get you so far; it's never too late to start thinking about your future. Invest in a pension plan and secure your future. Creating a pension pot for yourself and your future is incredibly important for those of you who are not homeowners and don't have equity tied up in a house. Create security for your future self.
7. Income Protection Insure your money! I'm self-employed, which means I don't have a company to rely on to pay for sick leave. Income protection gives me that security. It's even useful if you do have a job that pays sick leave. What if your sick pay only covers 10 days a year, but your injury is going to put you out of work for a month? Insure that money and protect it! 8. Financial Advisor A financial advisor does what it says on the tin; they're there to help advise you with your money. It's worth investing in one, finding out how to protect your money in the future, and how to get yourself out of debt.
I'd recommend talking to someone from The Unbiased Team who will pair you with a financial advisor where the initial consultation is free. Find the information in the resources below. 9. Mindset
If I tell you not to think of a flamingo, the first thing to pop into your head is a flamingo. Your brain sees what you tell it to see. The brain, however, cannot comprehend the negative. What does this mean? Well, if you tell yourself, "bad things only happen to me," all your brain will find is the bad things that are happening to you. The brain can only seek what you tell it to see; it does not know if the thing you're seeking is benefiting or hindering your mental health. So if you say "I'm so poor," your brain will help make this a reality. You will see all the things you want to buy but can't and the price tag on everything. You'll feel rubbish, down, and ashamed because you're poor. Perhaps start using the words, financial priority. For example, investing in myself, that's a financial priority. Rainy day fund is a financial priority. A month holiday to Barbados, not a financial priority. Drinking with my friends till 4 in the morning, currently not a financial priority. It really changes the narrative from "I can't do that, I'm poor" to "these are the things I'm prioritising to take care of myself." The words you use matter; use them wisely. 10. Business Bank Account I have always been self-employed, but until this year, I didn't have a business bank account. I couldn't separate the difference between me and my work. However, I am not my job. My job has overheads; it has insurance, subscriptions, additional learning requirements, and the list goes on. Once these overheads have been paid for or saved for, then I get my salary. I used to muddy the water by having everything in one place, but it needs to be separate. Final Thoughts: Don't let the metaphorical dead squirrels build up in your hallway, believing there's nothing you can do. Face the problem and go in search of help. Learn to make smart choices to protect your future self. Don't rely on someone else to solve the problem for you.
Resources:
Free Anxiety Support
Join my Facebook group click here
I go live every Monday, teaching you breathwork techniques you can use, guiding you through meditation, and providing journal prompts. I bring in guests who offer free workshops, such as free poetry writing lessons and yoga classes. I even tell you how you can create time. It's a great way to invest in yourself, and it's completely free!
Instagram Accounts:
Tori Dunlop @herfirst100k
Female Invest @femaleinvest
Malaka Green @thewealthcheck
Mel Robbins @melrobbins
Podcast: Mel Robbins: The Mel Robbins Podcast
Tori Dunlop: Financial Feminist Podcast
Talk to Someone
(UK only) If you are struggling with your mental health and feel worried about your money situation, speak to someone. These are services for anyone who is struggling right now and needs immediate care. It's free and anonymous.
Call Samaritans on 116123
Text SHOUT to 85258
Citizens Advice (UK only)
If you are genuinely worried about your finances, I'd recommend getting in contact with Citizens Advice. They offer help to people who face problems that seem complicated and intimidating. You can visit their website here
The Unbiased Team
Click here for financial advisor help and pairing
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